Thursday, March 12, 2009

main course

Garnish is a substance used as an embellishment or decoration on a prepared food dish or drink item. In some cases, it may give added or contrasting flavor, but a typical garnish is used to augment the visual impact of the plate, not to enhance the flavor.

i felt it was important to put this definition here. i wanted to make sure that anyone reading this had a sound understanding of what a garnish is.

an embellishment,
a decoration,
typically used to make something look better but not to enhance the flavor.

so basically it's not there to have any real effect on the food that it's been introduced with, it's just there for looks, for show. used to make the main dish look better

God is my garnish.

i spend very little time making choices that i know that God would approve of.
i spend even less time worrying about that. instead i just continue to live the normal, selfish, comfortable life that i have set up for myself. i can honestly say that i think about God every day but it's more on par with the thoughts i have wondering if the mail has come yet.

a fleeting thought and then i'm back to my plan.

at this point, right now, i've become so numb to my actual relationship with God that i had to get honest in a hurry and delete a sentence i had just typed here where i had written that it pains me to think that my relationship with God is so sterile. i deleted it because immediately afterwords i realized that it didn't pain me, sadly it didn't effect me at all, but i thought that it was the right thing to say after admitting that i don't seem to care about my relationship with God.

i want that to change, i've been trying to go through the scholarly efforts of reading my bible, and carving out time for prayer but that's not what i want and i don't think that's what i need right now either. i need to feel Him and i need to breathe Him.

i'm so sick of the fact that i use God as the garnish in my life. the only times i seem to make sure He's around is when i want someone to see my bumper sticker so they can assume that i'm all the things that i hope that bumper sticker leads them to believe i am, or i sprinkle a little God garnish into conversation, hoping someone will ask or find out that, yes, i DO go to THAT church and i do know THAT guy., or when it might make me look like an even better person than i've already convinced myself i am. there's not a plank in my eye friends, there's a whole damn forest. i feel pity for others who don't know or follow my God because of how wonderful that way of life is but i can't even stand on solid ground with my own lifestyle for the beliefs that i claim are better than theirs.

using God as a garnish i sprinkle a little bit of Him over here so these people will SEE my bumper sticker, and i lay out a little of Him over there so that those other people will be sure to HEAR what church i attend, instead i should be worrying about setting an example of Him by what i DO.

but so far i'm too selfish, too vain, i'm too concerned about my appearance, i don't care that i have no flavor, no zeal, no soul because i've convinced myself that people can't taste that anyway, they just need to see that it looks and sounds good and that will be enough to send them on their way with a positive opinion of me.

i want this to change, and i'm trying to be brutally honest and i hope that it's enough for now.
if i'm the only one acting and feeling this way than consider this my confession, but if i'm not alone than i would like to consider this the beginning. the start of a change in the order of importance and acceptance.

please feel free to check in on me from time to time, to offer comments, criticism, or support, i'll welcome it all.