Thursday, March 12, 2009

main course

Garnish is a substance used as an embellishment or decoration on a prepared food dish or drink item. In some cases, it may give added or contrasting flavor, but a typical garnish is used to augment the visual impact of the plate, not to enhance the flavor.

i felt it was important to put this definition here. i wanted to make sure that anyone reading this had a sound understanding of what a garnish is.

an embellishment,
a decoration,
typically used to make something look better but not to enhance the flavor.

so basically it's not there to have any real effect on the food that it's been introduced with, it's just there for looks, for show. used to make the main dish look better

God is my garnish.

i spend very little time making choices that i know that God would approve of.
i spend even less time worrying about that. instead i just continue to live the normal, selfish, comfortable life that i have set up for myself. i can honestly say that i think about God every day but it's more on par with the thoughts i have wondering if the mail has come yet.

a fleeting thought and then i'm back to my plan.

at this point, right now, i've become so numb to my actual relationship with God that i had to get honest in a hurry and delete a sentence i had just typed here where i had written that it pains me to think that my relationship with God is so sterile. i deleted it because immediately afterwords i realized that it didn't pain me, sadly it didn't effect me at all, but i thought that it was the right thing to say after admitting that i don't seem to care about my relationship with God.

i want that to change, i've been trying to go through the scholarly efforts of reading my bible, and carving out time for prayer but that's not what i want and i don't think that's what i need right now either. i need to feel Him and i need to breathe Him.

i'm so sick of the fact that i use God as the garnish in my life. the only times i seem to make sure He's around is when i want someone to see my bumper sticker so they can assume that i'm all the things that i hope that bumper sticker leads them to believe i am, or i sprinkle a little God garnish into conversation, hoping someone will ask or find out that, yes, i DO go to THAT church and i do know THAT guy., or when it might make me look like an even better person than i've already convinced myself i am. there's not a plank in my eye friends, there's a whole damn forest. i feel pity for others who don't know or follow my God because of how wonderful that way of life is but i can't even stand on solid ground with my own lifestyle for the beliefs that i claim are better than theirs.

using God as a garnish i sprinkle a little bit of Him over here so these people will SEE my bumper sticker, and i lay out a little of Him over there so that those other people will be sure to HEAR what church i attend, instead i should be worrying about setting an example of Him by what i DO.

but so far i'm too selfish, too vain, i'm too concerned about my appearance, i don't care that i have no flavor, no zeal, no soul because i've convinced myself that people can't taste that anyway, they just need to see that it looks and sounds good and that will be enough to send them on their way with a positive opinion of me.

i want this to change, and i'm trying to be brutally honest and i hope that it's enough for now.
if i'm the only one acting and feeling this way than consider this my confession, but if i'm not alone than i would like to consider this the beginning. the start of a change in the order of importance and acceptance.

please feel free to check in on me from time to time, to offer comments, criticism, or support, i'll welcome it all.


  1. You're not alone. I've recently started going back to church. I have a hard time reconciling my beliefs with the Catholic church, or any other religious sect for that matter.

    But I recently realized that I'm being fake. I tell people I don't go to Mass because I don't need religion to have a relationship with God. And that spending an hour or so a week at church isn't really serving God.

    But did I really have a relationship with God? Did I really spend any of my free time doing any kind of community service? That would be a no.

    So, I find myself back at Mass now, every week. Possibly out of guilt. But I know I need to work on my end to have a relationship with God, and I guess Mass is the first place to start.

    Sorry I rambled on a bit there, I just think I kind of understand where you're coming from.

    Kudos to you for your honesty. I look forward to reading more from you here.

    Welcome to blogger/blogspot!!

    Jen :D

  2. kudos my friend. i've been walking the same walk lately. knowing what i should be doing and seeing all the instances where i wasn't doing it. let me share something i picked up at school lately. we don't need to be out doing some grand mission to have a relationship with God and to do His work. it starts right there where you started at the top of the page and it continues with every little step we make towards Him. please don't beat yourself up, you do more for Him that you know. you have been a reflection of Christ in my life. I don't think we tell each other things like that enough but both you and your wife have had a HUGE impact on the lives of Jen and I. just know He is working through you, and that He will do more if we just keep looking for Him.

    I love you brotha!


    for real. we could talk a good long time about this. I GET IT.

  4. I love beginnings. I have this love/hate relationship with moments like these... because it is so electric with potential - and yet, so dependant on our taking the initative and following through... which takes so much effort when initally, it is a niggling feeling not a passion that is fueling our unrest.

    This is... you are... so fantastic because you want it to be real. Do you know how many people don't give a damn? I mean good, honest, church going people who are just fine with checking in on God and the mail a couple times a day.

    That thing, that part of you that wants it to be real... I really think that's God kind of poking you in the ribs... and I can't wait for the next part of the story - because this is a good one!

    Big big hug... one that reaches around the world... -t

  5. Chris - such a wonderful expression.
    And I think just the meer fact that you are mulling over everything is a positive sign. As you know, even Mother Theresa struggled with her faith.

    I think the important thing to realize about faith, for me, is that it's not based on what church you go to, or how often, or any of those things. It's important to separate religion, from spirituality. Which I am sure you know, but it's difficult to really "practice" because.

    I go to church once a year. On Ash Wednesday. When the message is that you shouldn't go to church so people will see you there - it is equally as important to just pray from home or anywhere.

    With the death and sickness that has started out my 2009, I too have been having a crisis of faith as of late. But I am constantly trying to pick myself up, brush myself off, and have a dialogue with the Universe and the God that I have a relationship with and move forward.

    And hey, a garnish is better than nothing! :)


  6. Thank you for the rare gift of total honesty, dear one. You are PRECIOUS! So many out there have had seasons when their faith fell flat, yet dared not voice these feelings for fear of what others thought. It seems like so often our reputations are more important than truth, or even God--but not for YOU! You dare to speak like St. Augustine in his confessions, with the hope that not only others, but also you, will grow through the process. You don't see others as a project, but yourself. This is so refreshing, so humble. It will not always be like this, friend. And you are certainly not alone--never! May His fire fall fresh on you.